The pipeline from law student to legal professional is a slippery one; one where you feel the need to constantly prove yourself through recruitment cycles, resumes and networking. But once you have a job, all is well right? Wrong. Once you have a job, it’s time to prove that you are the smartest, most hardworking associate. And so on and so forth.
I slipped down that pipeline this summer and fell a few times too hard.
My experience over the past 12 weeks has been one of personal struggle, but from that, one of personal growth. It was an experience where I learned about who I am as a working professional and more importantly, what I need to support myself to continue working in a profession that can place significant internal and external pressures on its members. This reflection focuses on two core lessons I learned (the hard way) this summer and two lessons I’m sure many law students may relate to.
Lesson 1: Stop trying to prove yourself
I approached this summer experience with curiosity and certain self-imposed expectations. I was curious how much the past two years of law school would translate to real work skills and knowledge. I also expected that it would translate and that I would be able to meaningfully contribute at a high standard.
While my supervisor provided interesting work with a flexible timeline, allowing me to learn and enjoy the work, I approached it with the same amount of anxiety and work ethic as a student deep in exam season. I kept up this pace for the first six weeks, all the while I could tell it was running me dry. I was napping 5 hours on the weekends and didn’t have enough energy to really explore the city of Whitehorse. At about the six week mark, I was feeling ill and chronically tired, wondering, how am I going to survive at this pace?
It took some time to recognize that I was trying to prove myself to my supervisor, to show I was smart or good enough, despite no evidence to prove she thought of me otherwise. I had created a standard for myself that no one else had asked me to meet. I had taken the pressure I had been accustomed to feeling as a law student and carried it with me into a workplace where it was not necessary.
There was no magic spell that changed my perspective other than learning from my experience that I am good enough and I belong in this position. Once I began to trust that, my relationship with the work changed. This shift in perspective translated into a more relaxed demeanor at work, where I was able to engage thoughtfully with the work, and not feel like I might fail.
Lesson 2: Slow Down
A repercussion of being a student is the constant feeling that everything needs to be done as fast as possible. There is always another reading, another assignment, another deadline or another exam. I became accustomed to treating my workload like it was a constant emergency.
While there are deadlines in the work space, and some points where the pressure is on, the pace that I was working at did not translate to the space. What I learned from my colleagues is that work should not be treated like there is a constant emergency to solve. If you do, you will burn out quickly. Rather, work should feel like a project that you consistently return to and pour your effort and energy into, all the while maintaining your own personhood.
Conclusion
I will admit I struggled a lot this summer. Finding my footing in a work environment with my own internal pressure and self-doubt was no small feat. But I also am stepping away from the experience of knowing the importance of personal boundaries with work and knowing that it is not through working more that we prove ourself, but rather in believing in ourselves that we are good enough to be in the space we fill.
I worked in a warm and welcoming environment that helped me grow and learn, without imposing any stringent duties on me. I am grateful to all my colleagues who only showed me care and support this summer and made me feel like my work was valued and contributed meaningfully to the Commission.
