Around a year ago, I watched a video about a girl on a mission to put herself in uncomfortable situations by doing activities alone. Too often, she argued, she avoided certain activities because she had no one to do them with. Instead, she wanted to push herself out of that comfort zone. It forced me to reflect on the arbitrary limits I inadvertently place on myself whenever I depend on others to do certain activities – going to a restaurant, shopping, visiting a museum, watching a movie at the movie theatre, signing up for a fitness class…
While there is value in seeking out moments to bond and spend time with others, there is also value in spending time on your own, forcing yourself to reflect on your thoughts and feel uncomfortable. Over five years ago, I explored Rome alone, walking over 30,000 steps and enjoying my own company. I only spoke to cashiers and vendors, mainly forced to listen to my own thoughts since the risk of playing music or a podcast would drain my already weak phone battery, which I needed for directions. I had initially been nervous about travelling alone. But I am unlikely to forget that feeling of peace and tranquillity in moving around and exploring independently. I approached the start of my remote internship this summer, anticipating a similar sense of self-exploration and solitude.
Over the summer, I mostly worked alone, except for biweekly meetings with my supervisors. I did, however, have the occasional interruption of one of my cats. In doing so, I confronted a lot about staying alone and doing things independently. This silence and calmness of working alone starkly contrasted with the end of my ever-busy and time-consuming first year of law school, where there were seemingly daily events. Yet it was a welcome reprieve and allowed me to ponder this question of overdependence on others and my independence.
As I confronted these moments of stillness (and the various heatwaves), I embraced the discomfort of being alone even further. Deciding to drive these feelings further, I took the opportunity to push myself to do activities on my own. I went for long walks around the area alone, went to the gym alone (when I usually prefer visiting with my brother or a friend), attended a community event where I didn’t know anyone, went to a restaurant and ate a meal myself… I did various activities on my own that I knew would give me just a slight piece of discomfort. At times, I stayed to myself and kept quiet, enjoying the company of my inner thoughts. In other moments, I pushed myself further and talked to strangers, enjoying the brief moments in which our lives intersected.
Working alone gave me more time and opportunities to reflect on myself and my work, giving me deeper insight and reflections I might not have had in a busier office environment. It also gave me the same feeling of peace I had felt over five years ago.